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Heartbeat

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I always believed love was complicated, messy, and sometimes brutal. In some cases, it felt like I was laying my heart on a battlefield. There was nothing simple about love until I met him.

When I talk about Tate, my boyfriend, I often say that he is the one who awakened my heart. His eyes aren’t just brown – not to me anyway. They have bright green rims that fade into a beautiful hazel outlined by a brown outer rim. They are the kind of eyes I get lost in. He has dark black curly hair. If you look hard enough, you can see a few gray hairs. He’s tall and has the most inviting smile. I love his laughter and the way he looks at me. He always claims that I am his ocean. His nautical tattoos and love for the ocean fill me with emotion. I love all of these things about him, but most of all, I love him for who he is. 

I have always been my family’s black sheep. He understands every aspect of myself that no one understands. He motivates me and brings out my free spirit like no one else can, inspiring me and supporting me every step of the way. There’s no one else I’d rather get lost with. Our souls are one of the same.

September came with many challenges for us. I got lost in the deep dark sea of life. I pushed him away. I claimed that I couldn’t be in a relationship, too distracted by life’s challenges. My mind was at war with my heart. My head constantly screamed, “IT’S EASIER TO DO IT ALONE,” while my heart whispered, “hey, stupid, you love him.” He spent the month scouring those deep dark waters by himself. Rock by rock and shell by shell he explored the darkness I was going through. He never gave up on me. Though I am hard to love, he makes me feel like it’s the easiest thing on the planet. 

Tate makes me want to be the absolute best version of myself. What’s meant to be will always find a way. We make it work. The distance can be excruciating, and I miss him every second of every minute of every day. He is my home. For now, we continue to count down the days until we’re together again. In the meantime, we spend Monday nights watching “Dancing with the Stars” with my best friend. We FaceTime each other after every mild inconvenience. He’s always excited to hear the next story I’m working on or my daily plans. 

Our love isn’t simple, not even the slightest. Some have told us we’re making a mistake. The distance may be too much, but it’s simple to us. I would follow him anywhere as he would to me. He’s my stability when I’m adrift, and I’m his horizon when the nights get long. Love can be simple with the right person. When you find that person, keep fighting for them. It will no longer become complicated or messy. Tate showed me that love is truly simple when you focus on love as a source of strength. I love him, he loves me, and that’s enough for us.

ellis7@stolaf.edu

 

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