Graphic by Andrew Mazariegos-Ovalle/The Olaf Messenger
In the delicate dance of life, we find ourselves reluctant spectators to the heart-wrenching enigma of love. It is 3 a.m. and I am holding my friend — their shoulders shaking from navigating the treacherous terrain that is a breakup.
Love is bewildering and intricate. It is an enchanting force that intrinsically holds so much desire for us as humans, bringing unparalleled euphoria but also exposing us to vulnerability, fear, and every intricate emotion that accompanies love at its core. When starting a relationship we do a dance between devotion and reason, longing to find some unknown balance of loving irrevocably and protecting our hearts.
Similar to all involute human experiences however, there is no rule book on how to let yourself love deeply without the risk of getting hurt. Love is the good and the bad — a mosaic of life’s best parts and worst parts. As my friend holds onto me, anchoring themselves from the loss of a love they never once considered losing, love appears nothing short of pain. Love and relationships are among the rawest representations of what it means to be human. Sometimes it means wearing your favorite lipstick on a first date in hopes they like it or nervously rewriting a text one too many times as you try to ask the person you like out. Other times it is crying on the floor while texting your friends about the mistake you made or the fight you had.
Love is naturally undefinable. It is a profound concept that follows us around, even if we aren’t realizing it. As I watch my friend process the complexity that is heartbreak, I can’t help but note that love never leaves us. While humans try to figure out how to ask someone out nervously after class, or go through the stages of accepting a relationship has ended, we hold tightly onto love — just not always romantically. As my friend’s tears slow down, I laugh and offer them pancakes. “Pancakes might help make it suck less.” We laugh, and for a moment all that is felt is love. Love at its core is learned not just from romance but from the villages of people we build for ourselves. My best definitions of love come from belly laughs with my best friends, nights cooking pasta with them, and long drives where we forget none of us can sing simply because we love singing with one another.
Love is not just dinner dates and engagement rings. It is offering your friend pancakes after a breakup. Love is abundantly in front of us. While we process breakups, or get anxious before first dates, the love that feels as though it holds absence in our hearts, is filled by the simplicity that is friends.
So, it is 3 a.m. and I am holding my friend. I am showing that I love them — that love is hard, but it exists. It can be celebrating your one-year anniversary over dinner, and it can be hugging your friends after they have a breakup. Love is romantic and platonic. Love is indefinable — but if I were to define it, I would simply say it is the ability to feel for all of your people. It is belly laughs and it is calling a girl pretty. Love is a metamorphosis of feeling deeply.
