Graphic: Football helmet Finley Hogan/The Olaf Messenger
I’ve never been to Homecoming, so when it comes to Homecoming knowledge, I’m basically a newborn. But from what the movies have told me, there’s school spirit, fun, a dance, and a love story between the quarterback and the lonely girl. So these are all my expectations, and that’s how I’m going to judge this year’s St. Olaf Homecoming.
First day: Thursday Oct. 5
I thought we were going to start with a pep rally, but instead we started with Champion on the Hill, which is a comedy competition where five contestants compete to be the funniest person “on the hill.” It made up for its downs with its ups: sometimes jokes didn’t land, and other times the jokes were really good; they were witty and cheesy. There were also some jokes I didn’t get — something about Winconsin and cheese. I was expecting something bigger than the opening, so it did leave me a bit disappointed. Nonetheless, here are my ratings:
Spirit: 1/10
Fun: 7/10
Dance: 2/10 — dancing only done by contestants
Love story: 3/10 — for Anthony Hamilton’s rizz
Second Day: Friday Oct. 6
My family didn’t come — because they’re in South Africa — but neither did my roommate’s, so I didn’t feel alone. I wasn’t able to go to everything because I don’t have superpowers, but you know who did? The participants in the hypontist Chris Jones’s show. It was fun, hilarious, and one of the best events I’ve been to at St. Olaf so far. Thank you to the people who booked him; you are the greatest.
Spirit: 7/10 — even if it wasn’t school spirit, there was something
Fun: 10000000/10
Dance: 6/10 — there was a fair amount of dancing
Love story: 0/10 — the only disappointment
Third Day: Saturday Oct. 7
Saturday started with the football game. We got to Carleton before the game started, so I was able to get some delicious hot cider. I would love to recall what happened in the first half, but I couldn’t see the game because people kept standing in front of me. I eventually moved and got to see the last half. Wow, football is fun. Unfortunately, the only win that day was me finally understanding football. We’ll get them next time, boys!
After the game, chose to attend the St. Olaf Band Concert instead of trivia. It was simply superb. Congratulations to the band and their new conductor, Professor Henry Dorn.
The last event of the night forme was the dance. Everyone looked good, so a 10/10 for the people. Obviously I wasn’t expecting a homecoming court, but I also wasn’t expecting people to leave at 11 p.m.
Spirit: 30/10
Fun: 10/10
Dance: 7/ 10
Love story: 0/10
Final score:
Spirit: 8/10
Fun: 10/10
Dance: 5/10
Love story: 1/10
