Whether you’re applying for a summer internship or starting your career, interviews can be hard. Earlier this year I spent several weeks interviewing to be an insurance salesman, and I learned a lot from that experience (mostly that I do not want to be an insurance salesman). Whatever it is you’re interviewing for, here are some tips to get you through the process!
- Lie. You really need this job, do not be afraid to lie. Say whatever it takes.
- Only answer questions with “yes” or “no”. You don’t want to seem too chatty or selfish, make sure they’re the one doing most of the talking.
- Flirt with your interviewer. You want to make sure they know you’re fun and open-minded, so don’t be afraid to ask your interviewer on a date.
- Don’t tell your references you’re applying for a job. That way they’ll give candid and honest answers if they’re asked about you!
- Wear clothes. Some jobs will require you to wear clothes, so it might be good to have those on, especially if you’re going for an interview in person. That being said, if you have a rockin’ bod, maybe forego the clothes in order to support Tip #3.
- Take a shot beforehand. Ideally Everclear, but whatever suits your fancy.
- Tell them you don’t really want the job. Playing hard to get will just make them want you more.
- Don’t learn anything about the company beforehand. The more clueless you are, the more you’ll have to learn from the interview. Don’t waste your time learning things beforehand if you’ll be able to get the information in the interview.
- Shit talk everyone else. Make sure to diss your current boss, colleagues, clients, and anyone else you can think of. Your interviewer will be impressed at your high standards and hope that they can win you over!
- Photoshop yourself next to the company’s founder. Hand the photoshopped image to your interviewer and wink suggestively.
Teague Peterson-McGuire is from Oconomowoc, Wisc.
His majors are film and media studies and Nordic studies.
