Illustration by Andrew Mazariegos-Ovalle
My friends must’ve eaten their green grapes this New Year’s Eve because they are all either talking to or dating someone. Me? I’ve dove even further into my work. Shoutout to my professors and bosses for keeping me busy. Despite my year being in, unsuccessfully, the streets, my friends still come to me for dating advice — who knows why? My current tip for them and anyone: don’t have your mom make the move for you.
It’s embarrassing to admit, but yes, this did happen to me very recently. Yes, it’s harmless, but it’s still so weird and, let’s be so real here, confusing. Especially when I found out, thanks to my friend’s sleuthing, that she doesn’t follow 1) any of his close friends, 2) the College, or 3) the Mess. Conclusion? He must’ve talked about me… a lot. To his mom.
Now, guys, you must be thinking, “Why is this weird? That means he likes you!” Here’s the catch: we haven’t talked in two months, and in the time we did, he was extremely vague and only showed interest when he didn’t have a very clear mind. I don’t even see him around even though he’s my best friends’ next door neighbor! What’s even crazier? I’ve never met his parents! I don’t know his mom, but somehow she knows me! Do you see why this whole situation is so confusing?
I would love to say that I have an end to share with you on this, but sadly I don’t. I chicken out every time I see him and I can’t build up the courage to send him a text. It’s too weird! What am I supposed to say? “Hey, does your mom have Instagram? Because a middle aged woman with the same last name as you started following me and not your friends.” I’ve got anxiety — I can’t do that.
If I’m being completely honest here, I don’t think I actually want to date him — I just want some clarity on this. If he did say this was all a ploy to tell me he likes me and wants to date? Please, we aren’t twelve being driven to the movies by our parents for the first time on a “date.” Your mom following me on Instagram is not the right move. I don’t even know WHAT kind of move it is. If he was trying to get my attention, he sure got it, but not in a good way. Trust me, I’ve got the ick. He’s got a lot of explaining to do.
Anyways, here’s what I — and you — can take away from this: communication is so important, and if they can’t tell you themselves that they like you, or make it so confusing to figure out, don’t waste your time. Take their mom following you on Instagram as a compliment because you got mom approval, but end it there unless they can explain themselves. Even then, take their past actions into account too, and have a conversation with them. No one should settle for the guy who had to get his mom’s help to make a move.
